Over the course of the last year it has become painfully clear to me that I have a spending addiction. I fall into the traps of social media adds and consumerism that have caused me to over spend at every turn.

The irony? I’m a committed minimalist. I don’t enjoy owning a lot of things, dislike clutter, and keep only what I use regularly. For example, I don’t even decorate for Christmas, as I can’t justify storing items to be used for just one month a year.. Yet, this minimalist mindset collides with my impulse to buy. It leads to a cycle of shopping, then purging, shopping, then donating, shopping, and trashing, shopping, and selling. So, to be really honest and vulnerable with you guys right now, this unhealthy cycle has resulted in accumulating a hefty amount of consumer debt—a weight that sits heavily on my heart and mind, sometimes leaving me feeling hopeless about change.

Sharing this publicly is scary, especially because I come from a family and community that values financial responsibility and careful decision-making. I’m keenly aware of the judgments that could come from revealing my struggles. But I believe that exposing these hidden burdens is important for two reasons. The first being that when we expose the things that are controlling or harming us, in any capacity, they become less powerful. The bible says we are forgiven when we confess to God, but we are healed when we confess to one another. Secondary to that, I pray that my honesty can be an encouragement to others, that you also could step out of hiding and work towards a better life. We all have struggles—behaviours we try to keep “under wraps” or wish we could change. Maybe for you, it’s overspending, getting in the way of what you truly desire for your future. Maybe it’s allowing screens to consume your time, slowly eating away at your most important relationships. Maybe you’re becoming aware that your food choices are having a negative affect on your health. Maybe some other issue comes to mind. Something that turns your guts, weighs heavy on your heart, or causes you to want to hide. We often think we can just “try harder,” but we are stuck. True change requires more.

God has opened my eyes to the reality of where I have landed myself. He’s given me a renewed sense of direction and motivation, and I have a plan. Due to my chronic illnesses, my earning potential isn’t great. Which means the only real way to get out of this hole is to go HARD after the spending issue. To drastically reduce my monthly expenses so that I can apply most of my income to my negative balance. As I mentioned in my “about me” section, I really like listening to audio books. I recently came across one called “The year of less” by Cait Flanders. Cait tells the story of her own history with addiction, and her journey of climbing out of a hole she dug with consumer debt. She took drastic action to detox from the impact of consumerism. I feel a great drive to do the same.

So, I will be doing a “shopping ban” for the next 2 years. This will be enough time to deal with the consumer debt, and hopefully, enough time to detox from the lifestyle of consumerism. I will prayerfully build self control and my capacity to think clearly and make thoughtful decisions; instead of functioning on impulse, desire for instant gratification and “sale” dopamine. I’ve created a list of “approved purchases”—the essentials I’ll need to buy/replace during this period. Outside of that, it’s a firm “no.” To keep myself accountable, I’ll post a list of my monthly purchases, sharing my journey transparently to help me stay the course.


Thank you for joining me on this journey.
May it encourage you to examine your own patterns,
and may we all find grace and peace along the way,
Monica.